Spring in Fairyland

The climate is gentler in the northwest of Britain than it is in the Midwest of the US. Since it’s Spring, which is a mythical season where I’m from, it seems like I’m living in a fairyland.

In fairyland, the blades of grass are thin and delicate. It’s as if nature had golf courses in mind when she created grass in the UK.

The grass used in many lawns is Fescue. It’s cultivated by fairies.

It is soft – not like the thick blades of grass I’m used to. As my husband put it,

“If you sit down for a picnic, that grass will stab you, steal your kidney and nic your wallet.”

Kiss your watch goodbye if you sit on kentucky bluegrass; watch your kidneys if you sit on crabgrass.

In fairyland, a daffodil can be in bloom for 8 weeks. They grow in yards, ditches, sidewalks, and in the medians. It’s ridiculous.

Here

Here

there

there

random everywheres!

random everywheres!

In fairyland, the Eency Weensy spider (presumably Isty Bitsy’s British cousin) actually gets a chance to climb up the waterspout a second time, because it’s actually possible for the sun to come dry up rain that fell that very morning. Incredible! More proof that this is a fairytale land where the impossible happens daily!

 

 

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Spring – The Myth, the Legend – Part Meh

I always sensed that “suddenly” and “out of nowhere” were in the true nature of the word “spring”. Allow me to illustrate, with words.

Spring (on): v. to surprise someone suddenly, such as “We’re enjoying dinner, then she sprung it on me that she was pregnant.”

Spring (up): v. to suddenly appear, as in “When it rains, worms just spring up onto the sidewalk out of nowhere.”

Springtime in the Midwest:

Some Sunday in March or April or sometimes May: After 5+ months of being indoors due to cold weather, Adults want to murder their children, and vice versa.

Monday: FLASH FLOODS! It’s above freezing and the sun is out. The snow melts into puddles on the frozen ground.

Tuesday: Where the water receded, there is only MUD in its place. Every child under 12 looks like the Swamp Thing.

Wednesday: The whole town looks like a monster truck arena. Mudballs 5 feet high on the sides of buildings and splashed on every car.  The town crawls with swamp monsters.  

Thursday: Plants attack! Weeds get a jump on reclaiming their turf. Evidence of sudden allergy attacks can be found among the weedy mud piles.

Friday: Gentler plants, such as daffodils and tulips, begin to sprout, having noticed that it’s been above freezing for a whole 4 days. People dig lighter clothes out of bags and boxes for weekend wear.

Saturday & Sunday: Freezing rain, more mud. Adults sadly put their lighter clothes back in the closet. Teen girls insist on going out dressed like summer tourist clowns.

Monday: Craigslist is inundated with ads of snowblowers for sale. Every child “forgets” their gloves, hat, coat and shoes at school.

Tuesday: Sun and warmth! The daffodils and tulips have bloomed! Anyone with sense skips school and/or work. Those who attempt to fill their obligations get nothing done because everyone spends the day looking out the window.

Wednsday: Craigslist is inundated with people looking for lawnmowers on the cheap. Kids go out to play and trample anything resembling landscaping.

Thursday: Freezing temperatures. Almost all children have picked up some germs as a result of the temperature swings, but no one will realize this for another two days.

Friday: Freezing rain collects into rainwater lakes on top of frozen mud. A ridiculous number of cars make their way into ditches for seemingly no reason other than – it rained?

Saturday & Sunday: Warm and Sunny! Most the children are sick – the rest go to play in the springtime mudworld. Adults realize the lawnmower they got was a piece of junk.

 

Thus goes a typical Spring. The March-April-May pictures in the botanical garden’s wall calendar is obviously from some foreign fairyland – it has nothing to do with the cruel joke that Mother Nature makes of this season in the Midwest.

Tomorrow, we’ll explore the fairyland notion of Spring.